By Isaac George
July 14th, 2014
“On the Path of Love we are neither masters nor the owners of our lives. We are only a brush in the hand of the Master Painter. – Anonymous
What is the purpose of attraction? Why do we feel attraction for one human being and not another?
What causes the instantaneous attraction in human relationships is a bit complicated to describe. The metaphysician Julius Evola wrote in his treatise “Eros and the Mysteries of Love: The Metaphysics of Sex” that ultimately, “all attraction begins at the level of the Soul.”
"Is It All in my Head?"
Other components within the human psyche may or may not also figure in. Whether these influences are from genetic memory, past lives, other parts of our subconscious, or childhood experiences relating to parental associations, they will either validate or negate a potential pairing of two souls. However, it is the Soul that determines the purpose and outcome of each connection. Although I don’t agree with some of Mr. Evola’s other ideas, in the light of my own personal journey, I feel that he was fairly accurate on this point.
One of the basic tenets in physics and metaphysics is “like attracts like.” When two photons (or human beings*) come into contact with one another, it is through an act of resonance. When resonance, or attraction, is arising from the most primal singularity within us, the soul or divine spark of consciousness, then it is something that is beyond the ego’s comprehension or control. If the resonance is then coloured by the layers of the psyche, from the subconscious patterns in both individuals, then the element of projection intrudes into the dynamic of the primacy of attraction, and may even co-opt the initial reasons for two souls interacting. From one perspective, this is what creates interpersonal karma, or simply, cause and effect between the thoughts and actions of the individuals involved. As with quantum particles, some people are more resonant with certain individuals than with other ones. Is it possible this may explain certain phenomena such as “love at first sight”, or the soul mates/twin soul paradox?
(*Some readers may object to being referenced in the same breath as a subatomic particle. However, from the quantum or mystical perspective, we are all the same stuff, or as the sages and mystics say it, “you are That”.)
For the pragmatists out there, attraction is reduced to a complex cocktail of chemical reactions, driven by our primordial reptilian brain, and has nothing to do with real love or sustainable connection. Pheromones cause attraction...end of story. Fortunately, pioneers such as Deepak Chopra and Dr. Bruce Lipton have uncovered the flaws in this perspective. I encourage the reader to do their own homework and investigate their findings regarding bio-physics and consciousness.
From the purely psychological perspective an individual’s childhood wounding might cause them to seek to heal unmet needs they experienced with their parents. In this situation their attraction to ‘the other’ is based on their projection of these unmet needs on to them. The real ‘other’ is not seen at all. By connecting with the Inner Child (Authentic Self) and deepening into our heart, we can begin to develop wisdom and expand our attractions into a desire for real and meaningful connections with other human beings.
Nature of Attraction
"There is no acknowledgment of Eros; much less of the power of two Souls in resonance, for this poses a threat to the stability of the family or a pre-existing social order."
Attraction happens to even the most stalwart traditionalist’s monogamous relationships. It’s the genie out of the bottle that we wish wouldn’t disturb comfortable couples. Love is no respecter of persons, and what we view as temptation may be a Soul tool for learning more about our own authentic nature, acknowledgment of our deepest needs, and/or for healing our projections and traumas. For the fundamentalists, attraction outside of prescribed boundaries violates religious and social standards. There is no acknowledgment of Eros; much less of the power of two Souls in resonance, for this poses a threat to the stability of the family or a pre-existing social order. This theme was beautifully portrayed in the encounter between the characters played by Harrison Ford (John Book) and Kelly McGillis (Rachel Lapp) in the movie “Witness”.
To try and sweep natural attraction to other people under the carpet is to ignore the subtle fields of resonance that govern even the smallest subatomic particle. This is the Mystery in action! Our conditioned minds won’t accept that, and so we end up trying to build a better box around ourselves and others to keep feelings of desire and attraction out.
Conversely, to follow all attractions into sexual connections may become addictive, self-destructive, or harm those we love. Although polyamory and open relationships are sometimes touted as a cure for our personal unhappiness and loneliness, or a way to escape the tyranny of societal monogamy, it seems that this has had mixed results, with many exploring this love-style running aground because of various psychological and emotional issues that were never dealt with in the first place (jealousy, possessiveness, etc.). Functional open relationships may only become possible when both partners are sufficiently conscious of the nature of their projections, and their resonance is one that is so finely and naturally attuned that both individuals effortlessly relate with each other about their needs and fears with transparency and real compassion. It is also a matter of personal choice…not as something we invest in as the only way to be or as a lifestyle. We are a work in progress, and we are not all at the same stage of development. To be compassionate we must take this into account.
The Three Types of Attraction
"There may be a fated or predestined air to this type of attraction, and it is compelling. It doesn’t come with a warning on the label, but perhaps it should!"
Attraction is what makes the Universe tick, what drives evolution…it is the Goddess at play. There are three primary purposes of attraction. One purpose of attraction is to create harmonious resonance. This answers the innate longing to experience the unity in all Life and feel unconditional love. This is Love seeking itself, and Creation (source) playfully exploring all potentials within the unified field of Awareness.
At another level, the purpose of attraction is to answer the biological urge or imperative to perpetuate the species, and this may also be seen from a more cosmic perspective, as an evolutionary urge to continue the ‘experiment’ of Life into all possible permutations and possibilities.
These two levels are enfolded into each other…inexorably linked in an evolutionary dance.
There is third level of attraction. This type of attraction has a quality or ‘knowing’ that is recognized instantly through a number of cues. The first cue is an almost instantaneous recognition of the other. Some visual characteristics may be a trigger. For some it is a particular aliveness or energy in the eyes or aura around that other person that is immediately compelling and magnetic. The second cue is an immediate sense of comfort, ease and an inexplicable trust towards the other. Even if the other person initially doesn’t have the first cue at the same time you do, they usually will feel the second one very quickly. There is underlying draw to touch in innocent ways, and hugs become extraordinary moments of feeling safe and enfolded. A third cue is an intense desire that you not only know this person, but that you also have a craving to hear about their stories, their experiences, and to cherish them. It is like two old friends picking up the threads from another time, and continuing the journey together.
It seems that the main purpose for this type of attraction and relationship is to just follow the desire to spend time together. There may be a fated or predestined air to this type of attraction, and it is compelling. It doesn’t come with a warning on the label, but perhaps it should! This type of attraction and relationship may completely alter your life path, and you will never be the same again. Nor will any of the other people who may be in your life circumstances when this occurs.
This third element of attraction is also enfolded within the previous two, but is more subtle and more powerfully aligned for a singular purpose; to awaken the two Souls involved. This may be experienced in a number of ways. Perhaps it is to catalyse each other into moving into a new life direction, one that is better suited to each Soul’s purposes. To outsiders, this may appear to be odd, crazed, and even destructive to their existing mode of life and agreements with significant others. Sometimes this level of attraction is designed to catalyse and then actualize a shared purpose together for the two Souls, which not only functions as a healing for the two individuals involved, but which also serves as a springboard to joint adventures and service. It is both personal and transpersonal in nature and resonance. Gender, age or ethnic and social differences are of no consequence to such a pairing…their attraction comes from a deeper and more ancient rhythm and impetus.The phenomena and difficulties of this type of relationship are eloquently and compassionately explored in Thomas Moore’s classic book “Soul Mates.”
A Journey of Souls
Nothing ever happens in a vacuum. There is nothing in the Universe, or in Nature, that is vacant, or empty space. Physicist David Bohm asserts that what we view as space is not a vacuum, it is a plenum, and everything is connected within it holographically. We can never directly experience the holographic nature of the Implicate Order, because when we attempt to do so, we disappear into it. Whenever we attempt to touch it, it turns into matter. Whenever deep Soul resonance exists, touch seems to access feeling states in which articulation becomes impossible…we are temporarily in contact with rarefied realms of Being. This type of experience is not limited…it can be present in most any type of relationship. Nonetheless, it will always surprise the participants who do encounter these rare moments with another, even if they are just friends, siblings or lifelong companions.
Attraction is part of the great Mystery. It drives some people to do completely irrational things, but it is also the inspiration for some of humanity’s most amazing gifts in the form of art, poetry, music, literature, architecture and science. In short, when we allow ourselves to feel the deepest connection possible within ourselves and discover that resonance with another human being, anything not only feels possible, it is possible!
Nothing and no one is an island in the sea of Love. Follow your Heart without hesitation.
“It is contrary to the nature of Mystery to stand still. Yet it's always there, somewhere, a world on the other side of the mirror, a promise in the next pair of eyes that smile at us. We glimpse it when we stand still….everything is connected.” – Tom Robbins, “Still Life with Woodpecker”
Read "Finding Love" Part One here.
Next Issue: Finding Love Part 3: “Sexual Healing, Eros and Heart Therapy”
by Isaac George
June 20th 2014
"There is some kiss we want with our whole lives, the touch
of Spirit on the body." - Rumi
I am feeling Love’s touch upon my heart…a nudging, a longing, a call to follow without question or concern…what it is that I yearn for, dream about…ache for. There is no cure…only bland prescriptions that offer temporary relief of the symptoms. Love melts away all that is unlike itself. It is a hard teacher sometimes, demanding that the absolute best in our souls stands revealed and utterly alive. To be this alive will require much…will demand much.
Love will ask us to sacrifice knowledge in order to acquire wisdom. It will tease us and say “You can only know me if you let go of your arrogance, your preconceptions!” If we are stubborn or afraid, Love, like an underground river, will erode away that resistance without our even being aware of it. One day, our faulty foundations will collapse into the torrent below, and we will fall into it, thinking at the time it may be the end of our hopes and aspirations…or even the end of our lives. Actually, it will be only the end of our false dreams and projections.
Love…how do you find it? You don’t...it finds you!
When you least expect it, and usually after you’ve resigned yourself to what has become routine and familiar in your lifestyle, there will be a surprise, or a shock…and that’s it, the transformation begins. When you are looking for love, you may only be following your projections. For a time, you will believe in your projections, and only experience a taste of Love. These projections are accumulated experiences of when you never felt loved, or were denied love, or lost love in some traumatic or horrid experience. Love is innocence, and when our innocence has been violated by another, the scars that form are hardened against Love, even though they were created to be a shield against further pain and loss.
Love doesn’t knock on your front door, come in for tea, and then escape out the bathroom window in the middle of the night. Love is inherently the same thing we have come to call Life. Life comes from Love, Love permeates Life. It doesn’t come and go. What it does seem to do within the human experience is to flow and ebb according to its own needs, and the deepest needs of Her Children…which is, of course, every life in the Cosmos. Those needs are only hinted at within our limited perception of “I need this”, or “I need that” in order to be fulfilled and happy. Those needs point to the deepest parts of our heart space, where the secrets of our Soul reside. It is in that place the Love arises to stir the longings, and through passion and desire, it destroys what no longer serves and creates something unique and new. We are called to sit with our needs, and follow them inward so that we can glimpse the yearning in our Soul, which comes from Love.
The redemptive power of Love is often seen as something to be achieved and once it has been formalized by ritual and promises, it is hoped that it will stay tame, behave well, and meet one’s needs and expectations. Even Love can become a goal - revealed through meditation, prayer, ritual, Tantra or deep relationship negotiations, i.e., “working on our relationship”. All of these forms are useful tools or skills for uncovering our hidden patterns and wounds, but they are but offerings to be laid on the altar of Love, to eventually be laid aside in the fire of direct knowing of who we are.
What Love will always do is to provide you with a way to open to that which is unexplored and unexpected within you. It will never conform to my idea or your idea of what it is, how it will behave, or what its deeper purpose is for us. From a purely spiritual or metaphysical perspective, I could describe the archetype of Love as God, or Goddess, or Spirit, or Universal Oneness, or some such label. Those who have approached Love via the mental or abstract spiritual paths and disciplines have named Her “Presence” or “Consciousness” – the All That Is. The philosophies that espouse this approach touch certain parts of the face of Love, while avoiding the more chaotic or passionate aspects. Too much of that is not welcome, for it disturbs the hard-won tranquillity of the mind. However, Love is Eros, and will not be limited by human perception.
Love is about bliss, tranquility, intimacy, closeness, nurturing, patience, telepathic communication and synchronicity. It is also about passion, creative potential, wildness, fierceness, and dissolution. What Love is not trying to do is to keep things safe and predictable. If we truly believe that Love is the inherent “stuff” of Life, then there is no constant except change itself, or evolution if you will.
Looking for Love in the arena of human relationships is one of the most promising and confounding things about the times we currently live in. No matter what is happening on the world stage, all one has to do to take the pulse of humanity is to look around and see how many books, magazine articles, blogs, websites, workshops and counseling services are devoted to the realm of relationship and sexuality. Tantra and sacred sexuality practices and seminars strive to restore our faith in human relationships and the bonding between couples via an ever more desperate search for more bliss, intimacy, ecstasy or novelty. Open relationships, polyamory and other paths are being offered to guarantee our experience of Love as a constant in our lives, while the crisis of trying to find Love continues to elude many who strive to grow beyond their conditioned understanding of human relationships.
We are at a crossroads…and we now need to understand something that Love has been trying to teach us for a long time. We won’t find and keep Love in a box. It’s time to throw away the box.
What do I mean by this? Well, have you ever “fallen in love” with someone? If you could put that moment into a projector, and slow it way down, what is your first and most powerful memory of this experience? How did it feel? What went through your body, and specifically, your chest area? When the experience of “being in love” progressed, what stages did you notice? Did you think about “the Other” a whole lot of the time? Did you feel invincible? Did you feel happy? Did you suddenly notice how colours were brighter, how food tasted different, how beautiful and extraordinary the ordinary had become?
Did you feel utterly ALIVE?
Well, if you said yes to any of these questions, you have been touched by Love. Love unhinges us from the familiar, and we become obsessed with feeling deeply again.
Love also contains the following ingredients: infatuation, pheromones, subconscious projection, and energy merging via the subtle bodies (etheric, psychic, etc.). These are the fractal aspects of the kaleidoscope of Love. We need to be aware of these ingredients for they form a complex set of variables that will differ from one person to the next. However, it is not helpful to condemn them or marginalize their importance to the overall purpose that Love has. We are capable of using these phenomena to grow beyond our conditioning and experience more freedom and love.
Love will also destabilize situations that have become unresolvable, so that any crystalized patterns in each person are upended, and the individual soul can reconnect to its Core principle and begin to evolve again. It is essential that the Soul be included in any form of cognitive therapy, Tantric practices, or relationship negotiations. To exclude the Soul is to again avoid the origins of our deepest dreams and purposes.
Love is The Mirror. When the projections have burned away, and we are confronted with our true nature, and the reality of the other human being in front of us, we have a mirror that is two-way and very clear. We enter into exalted states that may be buffeted by the harshness of daily life, but then, in just a few moments of being with the other, we may return to our true selves. There is a gaze that is soul-to-soul, which communicates without words. Two human beings who are in this state of resonance see their own soul through the eyes of the other soul, and understand and accept each other without effort. Work turns into play, conflict becomes play, differences are harmonized…because Love is ever-present, and ever welcome. The illusion of a separate ‘self’ that needs to control, be totally sovereign and ruggedly individualistic gives way to a new type of relationship. One that is completely interdependent and allowing. Each is complete, and yet more complete when symbiotically aligned. Dreams dreamt by these dreamers become real through a natural cooperation that escapes articulation.
The box dissolves…and is forgotten, because in finding Love, and being found by Love, there is nothing left to look for. Love always finds itself.
Next Issue: “Finding Love Part 2: The Nature and Purpose of Attraction”
Copyright © 1999-2014 Isaac George
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Intuitive Spiritual Life and Heart Centered Relationship Coach, Evolutionary Astrologer, Author and Musician.
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