“If you cannot directly face your sexuality, you will never discover your true spirituality.” - From the Taoist text “The Bamboo Immortal” c.1748.*
The river of Life has, and is, creating a torrent of change in my own personal universe. Since publishing Part 2 of “Finding Love – The Purpose of Attraction” on July 14th, I had originally titled the third part of this series as “Sexual Healing, Eros and Heart Therapy”. But now I’m having a laugh…for Life does intrude when you’re making other plans. Obviously the times have changed since mid-July, and so has the title. I too have changed, and so have my personal circumstances. Nonetheless, the way is clearer within and without to bring this particular series of articles to a close.
We all are looking for love and a sense of belonging and security, and so seldom do we find it. Or when we think we’ve found it, something always seems to be missing or it all goes awry. We are now being exhorted almost daily to love ourselves instead of looking outside for fulfilment or happiness in our relationships. “If only I were more spiritually-minded, and more self-sufficient, or loved myself more, I would be happier…”, or so the spiel goes.
The very innate human desire and longing for meaningful connection with not only other humans, but also with non-human life and the wider Universe is at the core of our souls and awareness. We are inherently capable of behaving in a kindly and loving way, so why is happiness and the experience of love that we know we should experience seem so elusive?
To deeply surrender to Love that occurs in a seemingly serendipitous way requires a certain degree of ego death and a temporary relinquishing of our usually strong sense of self-identification, and that can cause big problems. Fear enters the picture. Projection replaces perception, and whoever has the most ‘self’ to lose will tend to retreat hastily back into the safety of the familiar. A dear friend and professional therapist describes this place as the abode of “comfortable uncomfortableness”. Then, when the coast is clear, these souls will come out of their shell and gradually wonder what it was that may have happened, followed by a sense of grieving or relief. Usually, the searching for ‘it’ starts all over at some point in the future.
Now this is an oversimplification of the nature of Love, and I don’t mean to imply that all encounters with Love that have a capital “L” are predicated on meeting one’s soul mate or twin soul. However, this notion cannot be dismissed entirely and nor should it be held up as the only way that any human being can come in contact with Love or Eros as part of The Mystery.
Indeed, many have touched the face of Love, or shall I say been touched by it, during some of the most ordinary moments one could imagine. Moments in Nature or just staring at the stars in the night sky can evoke a sense of awe that is a prerequisite for entering into the sublime state that the Mystery of Love offers. We all long for that which will take us out of our small selves, and expand us into something greater than our sense of “I”, and we do sometimes desire it to be a shared experience with another human being. This is where real poetry comes from. And the “Other” in song, prose and poetry is just another “you” after all. Though some may view the human fascination and need for deep bonding as co-dependent, I prefer to recognize in it the core of interdependence that underscores and validates the very web of Life.
“The Sin of Original Guilt”
I coined the above term for a chapter in my book “What Really Matters: A Guide for Spiritual Awakening” in 2007. It means something different to me now, as I’ve been shedding many belief systems over the past year. A good example of this turn of phrase is covered in Wilhelm Reich’s book “The Function of the Orgasm”, which wasn’t just about the potential for human beings to realize and accept their sexuality and capacity for pleasure. It was a vivid and impassioned condemnation of salvation-based religions and the patriarchal notions that gave birth to it. He equates the deliberate suppression of our sensuality as the main cause for the rise and existence of fascist tendencies and movements. To believe, even in the slightest, that we were ‘born into sin’ is to make a grave error that ends only in paroxysms of shame and guilt. We feel like victims of circumstance, which is not a very healthy state of affairs. Even worse, we then find that we are now separate from our own natures and Nature itself.
As a species, we seem to have inherited a manipulative program, a deception that colours how we perceive ourselves and our relationship to love, to each other, and to the Life Force itself. Think about it; if you have to be ‘commanded’ to love, as we are told in Christianity, then why? When you love someone or something, you are just responding to what love is and does. You don’t need commandments, or threats of punishment, in order to make you a good and loving person. So, the trick of shame and guilt that has been handed down to us for over seventy generations has done immense damage, to our psyches, to other humans and life forms, and it is now this distortion threatens the very biosphere itself. So, how do we heal ourselves…how do we end the suffering, depression, violence and confusion?
“Return to the Garden”
“Religion protects man, so long as its foundations are not revealed.” - Rene Girard, “Violence and the Sacred”
A major part of our growth will be to learn what it means to love ourselves. That cannot happen if we still are invested in the false story of humanity, about its so-called “Fall” and it’s Redemption through some non-human extra-terrestrial means. We must reforge our connection to the planetary sentience of Gaia, through Nature, and refute the doctrine of the victim-perpetrator bond that is at the core of redeemer-based religions. Our sexual and spiritual healing must come from more than immersion in Tantric practices, techniques and philosophies, as these are still human inventions that arose out of a culture steeped in patriarchy-based spirituality, and which carries the seed of the belief that we must transcend the flesh in order to realize our inherent divinity. The body is the Soul, expressed.
In terms of so-called ‘modern’ or contemporary spirituality, there have been some recent but minute shifts away from transcendental philosophies that regard Nature, the physical body and material world as impediments to self-realization and holistic living. The New Age, with its obsession on ascension and merging into some elevated super-human state of mastery, misses the mark entirely. The Anthropos, the genomic core of human identity, is already divine, already connected to the divine spark that is both Goddess and Earth-based. It is already in harmony with the benign and generous Originator that dreams and emerges through all that exists.
Upon closer examination, non-dualism is another strategy…a lofty view that holds material reality as inferior and illusory. It is the mirror image of another aberrant belief...split-source duality, the belief that evil and good can come from the same Source.
It is interesting to note that the original meaning of ‘Maya’ is not illusion. It is the appearance of illusion. Bump your head and you will feel it! And the more you try for stillness, the more you will encounter the Life Force…in constant and passion-filled motion. Underneath the quietest landscape the telluric currents of Life are swirling. We can become still to observe it, but we cannot and should not endeavour to distance ourselves from it. This is one of our core errors, the religion of self-reflection, which has been useful, but which we now need a bit less of if we are going to discover our true natures. The world needs less mindfulness and more soulfulness.
“The Future of Love”
What I can recommend to you, the Reader, is to start where you are and look objectively at all of your belief systems, sacred cows and cherished pets. Are they really your core structures? Do they feel liberating or stifling? Can you change them, and if so, what would you change to? Ask yourself, really honestly, what your role might be in the repatriation of your humanity to its original intent. How would that look, feel, sound, feel or taste like? Where are you avoiding being embodied? Where do you retreat to when you feel ‘less than’ or shameful, and do you feel weak or inferior when you cannot deal with uncomfortable emotions or challenging people and situations? For your own sake, don’t feel like you have to be supermen or superwomen, and think you ought to be over this or that. Seek out help and counsel if necessary, as we are not designed to operate as closed systems of consciousness.
Love a lot…whatever that might be. Nurture and be nurtured. Fall in love, get and give cuddles, cook and enjoy food, dancing, sunrises, walks on the beach in bare feet, your sensuality…just connect with whomever or whatever and be fully present, fully engaged. To fall in love again and again is not an error. Only not learning and growing from your mistakes leads to error. The future of Love depends on our expression of it, both towards ourselves and outwardly towards others. In actuality, there is no ‘falling’ in love. What falls is our resistance to Love.
Love is always there for the finding, because it always seeks Itself. Soulmates are proof of that. The Garden of Eden is a state of happiness. Happiness is possible to a heart that is open and believes. Gaia is awakening and wanting the best outcome possible for Her children, for all of us. Yes, it will feel like work...hard work, at times. And yes, you will notice more happiness as you shed the skins and the veils fall from your eyes, and the emotional scars heal. Then the Garden will be seen…in all of its glory and sweetness, within and without.
I leave you with the lyrics of from this old song, and recommend you have a good dance along with it when you have a chance.
“We are stardust, we are golden, we are billion year old carbon, and we got to get ourselves back to the garden.” – Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young (Woodstock)
Finding Love - Part 1
Finding Love - Part 2: "The Purpose of Attraction"
Isaac offers spiritual counseling sessions worldwide via Skype and is available in person in Cork City and West Cork, Ireland.
To make an appointment contact Isaac via email: firstname.lastname@example.org, or call in Ireland: 00353 (0)870 978204. In the United Kingdom call: 0044 (0)7875 123406.
By Isaac George
July 14th, 2014
“On the Path of Love we are neither masters nor the owners of our lives. We are only a brush in the hand of the Master Painter. – Anonymous
What is the purpose of attraction? Why do we feel attraction for one human being and not another?
What causes the instantaneous attraction in human relationships is a bit complicated to describe. The metaphysician Julius Evola wrote in his treatise “Eros and the Mysteries of Love: The Metaphysics of Sex” that ultimately, “all attraction begins at the level of the Soul.”
"Is It All in my Head?"
Other components within the human psyche may or may not also figure in. Whether these influences are from genetic memory, past lives, other parts of our subconscious, or childhood experiences relating to parental associations, they will either validate or negate a potential pairing of two souls. However, it is the Soul that determines the purpose and outcome of each connection. Although I don’t agree with some of Mr. Evola’s other ideas, in the light of my own personal journey, I feel that he was fairly accurate on this point.
One of the basic tenets in physics and metaphysics is “like attracts like.” When two photons (or human beings*) come into contact with one another, it is through an act of resonance. When resonance, or attraction, is arising from the most primal singularity within us, the soul or divine spark of consciousness, then it is something that is beyond the ego’s comprehension or control. If the resonance is then coloured by the layers of the psyche, from the subconscious patterns in both individuals, then the element of projection intrudes into the dynamic of the primacy of attraction, and may even co-opt the initial reasons for two souls interacting. From one perspective, this is what creates interpersonal karma, or simply, cause and effect between the thoughts and actions of the individuals involved. As with quantum particles, some people are more resonant with certain individuals than with other ones. Is it possible this may explain certain phenomena such as “love at first sight”, or the soul mates/twin soul paradox?
(*Some readers may object to being referenced in the same breath as a subatomic particle. However, from the quantum or mystical perspective, we are all the same stuff, or as the sages and mystics say it, “you are That”.)
For the pragmatists out there, attraction is reduced to a complex cocktail of chemical reactions, driven by our primordial reptilian brain, and has nothing to do with real love or sustainable connection. Pheromones cause attraction...end of story. Fortunately, pioneers such as Deepak Chopra and Dr. Bruce Lipton have uncovered the flaws in this perspective. I encourage the reader to do their own homework and investigate their findings regarding bio-physics and consciousness.
From the purely psychological perspective an individual’s childhood wounding might cause them to seek to heal unmet needs they experienced with their parents. In this situation their attraction to ‘the other’ is based on their projection of these unmet needs on to them. The real ‘other’ is not seen at all. By connecting with the Inner Child (Authentic Self) and deepening into our heart, we can begin to develop wisdom and expand our attractions into a desire for real and meaningful connections with other human beings.
Nature of Attraction
"There is no acknowledgment of Eros; much less of the power of two Souls in resonance, for this poses a threat to the stability of the family or a pre-existing social order."
Attraction happens to even the most stalwart traditionalist’s monogamous relationships. It’s the genie out of the bottle that we wish wouldn’t disturb comfortable couples. Love is no respecter of persons, and what we view as temptation may be a Soul tool for learning more about our own authentic nature, acknowledgment of our deepest needs, and/or for healing our projections and traumas. For the fundamentalists, attraction outside of prescribed boundaries violates religious and social standards. There is no acknowledgment of Eros; much less of the power of two Souls in resonance, for this poses a threat to the stability of the family or a pre-existing social order. This theme was beautifully portrayed in the encounter between the characters played by Harrison Ford (John Book) and Kelly McGillis (Rachel Lapp) in the movie “Witness”.
To try and sweep natural attraction to other people under the carpet is to ignore the subtle fields of resonance that govern even the smallest subatomic particle. This is the Mystery in action! Our conditioned minds won’t accept that, and so we end up trying to build a better box around ourselves and others to keep feelings of desire and attraction out.
Conversely, to follow all attractions into sexual connections may become addictive, self-destructive, or harm those we love. Although polyamory and open relationships are sometimes touted as a cure for our personal unhappiness and loneliness, or a way to escape the tyranny of societal monogamy, it seems that this has had mixed results, with many exploring this love-style running aground because of various psychological and emotional issues that were never dealt with in the first place (jealousy, possessiveness, etc.). Functional open relationships may only become possible when both partners are sufficiently conscious of the nature of their projections, and their resonance is one that is so finely and naturally attuned that both individuals effortlessly relate with each other about their needs and fears with transparency and real compassion. It is also a matter of personal choice…not as something we invest in as the only way to be or as a lifestyle. We are a work in progress, and we are not all at the same stage of development. To be compassionate we must take this into account.
The Three Types of Attraction
"There may be a fated or predestined air to this type of attraction, and it is compelling. It doesn’t come with a warning on the label, but perhaps it should!"
Attraction is what makes the Universe tick, what drives evolution…it is the Goddess at play. There are three primary purposes of attraction. One purpose of attraction is to create harmonious resonance. This answers the innate longing to experience the unity in all Life and feel unconditional love. This is Love seeking itself, and Creation (source) playfully exploring all potentials within the unified field of Awareness.
At another level, the purpose of attraction is to answer the biological urge or imperative to perpetuate the species, and this may also be seen from a more cosmic perspective, as an evolutionary urge to continue the ‘experiment’ of Life into all possible permutations and possibilities.
These two levels are enfolded into each other…inexorably linked in an evolutionary dance.
There is third level of attraction. This type of attraction has a quality or ‘knowing’ that is recognized instantly through a number of cues. The first cue is an almost instantaneous recognition of the other. Some visual characteristics may be a trigger. For some it is a particular aliveness or energy in the eyes or aura around that other person that is immediately compelling and magnetic. The second cue is an immediate sense of comfort, ease and an inexplicable trust towards the other. Even if the other person initially doesn’t have the first cue at the same time you do, they usually will feel the second one very quickly. There is underlying draw to touch in innocent ways, and hugs become extraordinary moments of feeling safe and enfolded. A third cue is an intense desire that you not only know this person, but that you also have a craving to hear about their stories, their experiences, and to cherish them. It is like two old friends picking up the threads from another time, and continuing the journey together.
It seems that the main purpose for this type of attraction and relationship is to just follow the desire to spend time together. There may be a fated or predestined air to this type of attraction, and it is compelling. It doesn’t come with a warning on the label, but perhaps it should! This type of attraction and relationship may completely alter your life path, and you will never be the same again. Nor will any of the other people who may be in your life circumstances when this occurs.
This third element of attraction is also enfolded within the previous two, but is more subtle and more powerfully aligned for a singular purpose; to awaken the two Souls involved. This may be experienced in a number of ways. Perhaps it is to catalyse each other into moving into a new life direction, one that is better suited to each Soul’s purposes. To outsiders, this may appear to be odd, crazed, and even destructive to their existing mode of life and agreements with significant others. Sometimes this level of attraction is designed to catalyse and then actualize a shared purpose together for the two Souls, which not only functions as a healing for the two individuals involved, but which also serves as a springboard to joint adventures and service. It is both personal and transpersonal in nature and resonance. Gender, age or ethnic and social differences are of no consequence to such a pairing…their attraction comes from a deeper and more ancient rhythm and impetus.The phenomena and difficulties of this type of relationship are eloquently and compassionately explored in Thomas Moore’s classic book “Soul Mates.”
A Journey of Souls
Nothing ever happens in a vacuum. There is nothing in the Universe, or in Nature, that is vacant, or empty space. Physicist David Bohm asserts that what we view as space is not a vacuum, it is a plenum, and everything is connected within it holographically. We can never directly experience the holographic nature of the Implicate Order, because when we attempt to do so, we disappear into it. Whenever we attempt to touch it, it turns into matter. Whenever deep Soul resonance exists, touch seems to access feeling states in which articulation becomes impossible…we are temporarily in contact with rarefied realms of Being. This type of experience is not limited…it can be present in most any type of relationship. Nonetheless, it will always surprise the participants who do encounter these rare moments with another, even if they are just friends, siblings or lifelong companions.
Attraction is part of the great Mystery. It drives some people to do completely irrational things, but it is also the inspiration for some of humanity’s most amazing gifts in the form of art, poetry, music, literature, architecture and science. In short, when we allow ourselves to feel the deepest connection possible within ourselves and discover that resonance with another human being, anything not only feels possible, it is possible!
Nothing and no one is an island in the sea of Love. Follow your Heart without hesitation.
“It is contrary to the nature of Mystery to stand still. Yet it's always there, somewhere, a world on the other side of the mirror, a promise in the next pair of eyes that smile at us. We glimpse it when we stand still….everything is connected.” – Tom Robbins, “Still Life with Woodpecker”
Read "Finding Love" Part One here.
Next Issue: Finding Love Part 3: “Sexual Healing, Eros and Heart Therapy”
by Isaac George
June 20th 2014
"There is some kiss we want with our whole lives, the touch
of Spirit on the body." - Rumi
I am feeling Love’s touch upon my heart…a nudging, a longing, a call to follow without question or concern…what it is that I yearn for, dream about…ache for. There is no cure…only bland prescriptions that offer temporary relief of the symptoms. Love melts away all that is unlike itself. It is a hard teacher sometimes, demanding that the absolute best in our souls stands revealed and utterly alive. To be this alive will require much…will demand much.
Love will ask us to sacrifice knowledge in order to acquire wisdom. It will tease us and say “You can only know me if you let go of your arrogance, your preconceptions!” If we are stubborn or afraid, Love, like an underground river, will erode away that resistance without our even being aware of it. One day, our faulty foundations will collapse into the torrent below, and we will fall into it, thinking at the time it may be the end of our hopes and aspirations…or even the end of our lives. Actually, it will be only the end of our false dreams and projections.
Love…how do you find it? You don’t...it finds you!
When you least expect it, and usually after you’ve resigned yourself to what has become routine and familiar in your lifestyle, there will be a surprise, or a shock…and that’s it, the transformation begins. When you are looking for love, you may only be following your projections. For a time, you will believe in your projections, and only experience a taste of Love. These projections are accumulated experiences of when you never felt loved, or were denied love, or lost love in some traumatic or horrid experience. Love is innocence, and when our innocence has been violated by another, the scars that form are hardened against Love, even though they were created to be a shield against further pain and loss.
Love doesn’t knock on your front door, come in for tea, and then escape out the bathroom window in the middle of the night. Love is inherently the same thing we have come to call Life. Life comes from Love, Love permeates Life. It doesn’t come and go. What it does seem to do within the human experience is to flow and ebb according to its own needs, and the deepest needs of Her Children…which is, of course, every life in the Cosmos. Those needs are only hinted at within our limited perception of “I need this”, or “I need that” in order to be fulfilled and happy. Those needs point to the deepest parts of our heart space, where the secrets of our Soul reside. It is in that place the Love arises to stir the longings, and through passion and desire, it destroys what no longer serves and creates something unique and new. We are called to sit with our needs, and follow them inward so that we can glimpse the yearning in our Soul, which comes from Love.
The redemptive power of Love is often seen as something to be achieved and once it has been formalized by ritual and promises, it is hoped that it will stay tame, behave well, and meet one’s needs and expectations. Even Love can become a goal - revealed through meditation, prayer, ritual, Tantra or deep relationship negotiations, i.e., “working on our relationship”. All of these forms are useful tools or skills for uncovering our hidden patterns and wounds, but they are but offerings to be laid on the altar of Love, to eventually be laid aside in the fire of direct knowing of who we are.
What Love will always do is to provide you with a way to open to that which is unexplored and unexpected within you. It will never conform to my idea or your idea of what it is, how it will behave, or what its deeper purpose is for us. From a purely spiritual or metaphysical perspective, I could describe the archetype of Love as God, or Goddess, or Spirit, or Universal Oneness, or some such label. Those who have approached Love via the mental or abstract spiritual paths and disciplines have named Her “Presence” or “Consciousness” – the All That Is. The philosophies that espouse this approach touch certain parts of the face of Love, while avoiding the more chaotic or passionate aspects. Too much of that is not welcome, for it disturbs the hard-won tranquillity of the mind. However, Love is Eros, and will not be limited by human perception.
Love is about bliss, tranquility, intimacy, closeness, nurturing, patience, telepathic communication and synchronicity. It is also about passion, creative potential, wildness, fierceness, and dissolution. What Love is not trying to do is to keep things safe and predictable. If we truly believe that Love is the inherent “stuff” of Life, then there is no constant except change itself, or evolution if you will.
Looking for Love in the arena of human relationships is one of the most promising and confounding things about the times we currently live in. No matter what is happening on the world stage, all one has to do to take the pulse of humanity is to look around and see how many books, magazine articles, blogs, websites, workshops and counseling services are devoted to the realm of relationship and sexuality. Tantra and sacred sexuality practices and seminars strive to restore our faith in human relationships and the bonding between couples via an ever more desperate search for more bliss, intimacy, ecstasy or novelty. Open relationships, polyamory and other paths are being offered to guarantee our experience of Love as a constant in our lives, while the crisis of trying to find Love continues to elude many who strive to grow beyond their conditioned understanding of human relationships.
We are at a crossroads…and we now need to understand something that Love has been trying to teach us for a long time. We won’t find and keep Love in a box. It’s time to throw away the box.
What do I mean by this? Well, have you ever “fallen in love” with someone? If you could put that moment into a projector, and slow it way down, what is your first and most powerful memory of this experience? How did it feel? What went through your body, and specifically, your chest area? When the experience of “being in love” progressed, what stages did you notice? Did you think about “the Other” a whole lot of the time? Did you feel invincible? Did you feel happy? Did you suddenly notice how colours were brighter, how food tasted different, how beautiful and extraordinary the ordinary had become?
Did you feel utterly ALIVE?
Well, if you said yes to any of these questions, you have been touched by Love. Love unhinges us from the familiar, and we become obsessed with feeling deeply again.
Love also contains the following ingredients: infatuation, pheromones, subconscious projection, and energy merging via the subtle bodies (etheric, psychic, etc.). These are the fractal aspects of the kaleidoscope of Love. We need to be aware of these ingredients for they form a complex set of variables that will differ from one person to the next. However, it is not helpful to condemn them or marginalize their importance to the overall purpose that Love has. We are capable of using these phenomena to grow beyond our conditioning and experience more freedom and love.
Love will also destabilize situations that have become unresolvable, so that any crystalized patterns in each person are upended, and the individual soul can reconnect to its Core principle and begin to evolve again. It is essential that the Soul be included in any form of cognitive therapy, Tantric practices, or relationship negotiations. To exclude the Soul is to again avoid the origins of our deepest dreams and purposes.
Love is The Mirror. When the projections have burned away, and we are confronted with our true nature, and the reality of the other human being in front of us, we have a mirror that is two-way and very clear. We enter into exalted states that may be buffeted by the harshness of daily life, but then, in just a few moments of being with the other, we may return to our true selves. There is a gaze that is soul-to-soul, which communicates without words. Two human beings who are in this state of resonance see their own soul through the eyes of the other soul, and understand and accept each other without effort. Work turns into play, conflict becomes play, differences are harmonized…because Love is ever-present, and ever welcome. The illusion of a separate ‘self’ that needs to control, be totally sovereign and ruggedly individualistic gives way to a new type of relationship. One that is completely interdependent and allowing. Each is complete, and yet more complete when symbiotically aligned. Dreams dreamt by these dreamers become real through a natural cooperation that escapes articulation.
The box dissolves…and is forgotten, because in finding Love, and being found by Love, there is nothing left to look for. Love always finds itself.
Next Issue: “Finding Love Part 2: The Nature and Purpose of Attraction”
Copyright © 1999-2014 Isaac George
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