July 14th, 2014
“On the Path of Love we are neither masters nor the owners of our lives. We are only a brush in the hand of the Master Painter. – Anonymous
What is the purpose of attraction? Why do we feel attraction for one human being and not another?
What causes the instantaneous attraction in human relationships is a bit complicated to describe. The metaphysician Julius Evola wrote in his treatise “Eros and the Mysteries of Love: The Metaphysics of Sex” that ultimately, “all attraction begins at the level of the Soul.”
"Is It All in my Head?"
Other components within the human psyche may or may not also figure in. Whether these influences are from genetic memory, past lives, other parts of our subconscious, or childhood experiences relating to parental associations, they will either validate or negate a potential pairing of two souls. However, it is the Soul that determines the purpose and outcome of each connection. Although I don’t agree with some of Mr. Evola’s other ideas, in the light of my own personal journey, I feel that he was fairly accurate on this point.
One of the basic tenets in physics and metaphysics is “like attracts like.” When two photons (or human beings*) come into contact with one another, it is through an act of resonance. When resonance, or attraction, is arising from the most primal singularity within us, the soul or divine spark of consciousness, then it is something that is beyond the ego’s comprehension or control. If the resonance is then coloured by the layers of the psyche, from the subconscious patterns in both individuals, then the element of projection intrudes into the dynamic of the primacy of attraction, and may even co-opt the initial reasons for two souls interacting. From one perspective, this is what creates interpersonal karma, or simply, cause and effect between the thoughts and actions of the individuals involved. As with quantum particles, some people are more resonant with certain individuals than with other ones. Is it possible this may explain certain phenomena such as “love at first sight”, or the soul mates/twin soul paradox?
(*Some readers may object to being referenced in the same breath as a subatomic particle. However, from the quantum or mystical perspective, we are all the same stuff, or as the sages and mystics say it, “you are That”.)
For the pragmatists out there, attraction is reduced to a complex cocktail of chemical reactions, driven by our primordial reptilian brain, and has nothing to do with real love or sustainable connection. Pheromones cause attraction...end of story. Fortunately, pioneers such as Deepak Chopra and Dr. Bruce Lipton have uncovered the flaws in this perspective. I encourage the reader to do their own homework and investigate their findings regarding bio-physics and consciousness.
From the purely psychological perspective an individual’s childhood wounding might cause them to seek to heal unmet needs they experienced with their parents. In this situation their attraction to ‘the other’ is based on their projection of these unmet needs on to them. The real ‘other’ is not seen at all. By connecting with the Inner Child (Authentic Self) and deepening into our heart, we can begin to develop wisdom and expand our attractions into a desire for real and meaningful connections with other human beings.
Nature of Attraction
"There is no acknowledgment of Eros; much less of the power of two Souls in resonance, for this poses a threat to the stability of the family or a pre-existing social order."
Attraction happens to even the most stalwart traditionalist’s monogamous relationships. It’s the genie out of the bottle that we wish wouldn’t disturb comfortable couples. Love is no respecter of persons, and what we view as temptation may be a Soul tool for learning more about our own authentic nature, acknowledgment of our deepest needs, and/or for healing our projections and traumas. For the fundamentalists, attraction outside of prescribed boundaries violates religious and social standards. There is no acknowledgment of Eros; much less of the power of two Souls in resonance, for this poses a threat to the stability of the family or a pre-existing social order. This theme was beautifully portrayed in the encounter between the characters played by Harrison Ford (John Book) and Kelly McGillis (Rachel Lapp) in the movie “Witness”.
To try and sweep natural attraction to other people under the carpet is to ignore the subtle fields of resonance that govern even the smallest subatomic particle. This is the Mystery in action! Our conditioned minds won’t accept that, and so we end up trying to build a better box around ourselves and others to keep feelings of desire and attraction out.
Conversely, to follow all attractions into sexual connections may become addictive, self-destructive, or harm those we love. Although polyamory and open relationships are sometimes touted as a cure for our personal unhappiness and loneliness, or a way to escape the tyranny of societal monogamy, it seems that this has had mixed results, with many exploring this love-style running aground because of various psychological and emotional issues that were never dealt with in the first place (jealousy, possessiveness, etc.). Functional open relationships may only become possible when both partners are sufficiently conscious of the nature of their projections, and their resonance is one that is so finely and naturally attuned that both individuals effortlessly relate with each other about their needs and fears with transparency and real compassion. It is also a matter of personal choice…not as something we invest in as the only way to be or as a lifestyle. We are a work in progress, and we are not all at the same stage of development. To be compassionate we must take this into account.
The Three Types of Attraction
"There may be a fated or predestined air to this type of attraction, and it is compelling. It doesn’t come with a warning on the label, but perhaps it should!"
Attraction is what makes the Universe tick, what drives evolution…it is the Goddess at play. There are three primary purposes of attraction. One purpose of attraction is to create harmonious resonance. This answers the innate longing to experience the unity in all Life and feel unconditional love. This is Love seeking itself, and Creation (source) playfully exploring all potentials within the unified field of Awareness.
At another level, the purpose of attraction is to answer the biological urge or imperative to perpetuate the species, and this may also be seen from a more cosmic perspective, as an evolutionary urge to continue the ‘experiment’ of Life into all possible permutations and possibilities.
These two levels are enfolded into each other…inexorably linked in an evolutionary dance.
There is third level of attraction. This type of attraction has a quality or ‘knowing’ that is recognized instantly through a number of cues. The first cue is an almost instantaneous recognition of the other. Some visual characteristics may be a trigger. For some it is a particular aliveness or energy in the eyes or aura around that other person that is immediately compelling and magnetic. The second cue is an immediate sense of comfort, ease and an inexplicable trust towards the other. Even if the other person initially doesn’t have the first cue at the same time you do, they usually will feel the second one very quickly. There is underlying draw to touch in innocent ways, and hugs become extraordinary moments of feeling safe and enfolded. A third cue is an intense desire that you not only know this person, but that you also have a craving to hear about their stories, their experiences, and to cherish them. It is like two old friends picking up the threads from another time, and continuing the journey together.
It seems that the main purpose for this type of attraction and relationship is to just follow the desire to spend time together. There may be a fated or predestined air to this type of attraction, and it is compelling. It doesn’t come with a warning on the label, but perhaps it should! This type of attraction and relationship may completely alter your life path, and you will never be the same again. Nor will any of the other people who may be in your life circumstances when this occurs.
This third element of attraction is also enfolded within the previous two, but is more subtle and more powerfully aligned for a singular purpose; to awaken the two Souls involved. This may be experienced in a number of ways. Perhaps it is to catalyse each other into moving into a new life direction, one that is better suited to each Soul’s purposes. To outsiders, this may appear to be odd, crazed, and even destructive to their existing mode of life and agreements with significant others. Sometimes this level of attraction is designed to catalyse and then actualize a shared purpose together for the two Souls, which not only functions as a healing for the two individuals involved, but which also serves as a springboard to joint adventures and service. It is both personal and transpersonal in nature and resonance. Gender, age or ethnic and social differences are of no consequence to such a pairing…their attraction comes from a deeper and more ancient rhythm and impetus.The phenomena and difficulties of this type of relationship are eloquently and compassionately explored in Thomas Moore’s classic book “Soul Mates.”
A Journey of Souls
Nothing ever happens in a vacuum. There is nothing in the Universe, or in Nature, that is vacant, or empty space. Physicist David Bohm asserts that what we view as space is not a vacuum, it is a plenum, and everything is connected within it holographically. We can never directly experience the holographic nature of the Implicate Order, because when we attempt to do so, we disappear into it. Whenever we attempt to touch it, it turns into matter. Whenever deep Soul resonance exists, touch seems to access feeling states in which articulation becomes impossible…we are temporarily in contact with rarefied realms of Being. This type of experience is not limited…it can be present in most any type of relationship. Nonetheless, it will always surprise the participants who do encounter these rare moments with another, even if they are just friends, siblings or lifelong companions.
Attraction is part of the great Mystery. It drives some people to do completely irrational things, but it is also the inspiration for some of humanity’s most amazing gifts in the form of art, poetry, music, literature, architecture and science. In short, when we allow ourselves to feel the deepest connection possible within ourselves and discover that resonance with another human being, anything not only feels possible, it is possible!
Nothing and no one is an island in the sea of Love. Follow your Heart without hesitation.
“It is contrary to the nature of Mystery to stand still. Yet it's always there, somewhere, a world on the other side of the mirror, a promise in the next pair of eyes that smile at us. We glimpse it when we stand still….everything is connected.” – Tom Robbins, “Still Life with Woodpecker”
Read "Finding Love" Part One here.
Next Issue: Finding Love Part 3: “Sexual Healing, Eros and Heart Therapy”